the date-time continuum

What is an appropriate amount of time to spend attempting to have sex with a girl before you should just stop it? This depends on a complex number of factors, and there should probably be some kind of a graph or something involved. First, there must be some assumptions, such as: One--the man is always a "10" (for the sake of simplicity); Two--the time spent attempting to have sex, for the sake of this argument, will be measured in "date time," which consists of some type of communication being made at least every other day. Alright, now that those are out of the way, we will now move on to the important stuff. Four weeks is the maximum amount of date time that should ever be spent on trying to get those panties off. After that, just throw in the towel and try and bang some other chick. Now, the date-time continuum is different for every individual, and you need to set up your own parameters, but they will be fairly similar in appearance. So, the y-axis will represent date time and the x-axis will represent a number of factors, including the age of the girl, her attractiveness, and some others, but it basically represents your desire to have sex with her. We will, therefore, give every girl a score, from 1-10, which will represent your desire to bang her. I will have my math genius friends come up with an equation for better explanation on the number scale. When I come up with an awesome graph for this, I will post it. Basically, the moral of this story is: don't spend too much time trying to get a girl in bed. If you want further explanation on why its bad to wais, see my earlier post, "First date, why wait?"

conspiracy

Why do I feel like there is some conspiracy against me right now? Every time I set something up with a girl, and they seem excited about it, they mysteriously stop talking to me? Last night, for example, I set up a date with a girl, and then she never contacted me again. And tonight, a girl was going to come over with one of her friends and we were going to hang out and now she has not returned my call or text from yesterday. What is going on here? Either I am just paranoid, or there is someone that is out to destroy me.

girls are crazy

Seriously. You are all crazy. First off, if you want to hang out or do something with someone, just fucking say it. Don't be all lame and try and drop "hints" and get all pissy if I don't pick up on them, because my life does not revolve around you and everything you say and do. My life revolves around me because I am a narcissist and I like it that way. Obviously. And, if you are upset at something that someone does or says, just tell them. Oh, and as Evan (not this one) says, giving someone the silent treatment with text messages is not very effective, because there are a million reasons that someone may not return a text, but everyone automatically assumes it is because the person is ignoring them, which is usually not true, so when it is true, I have already come up with a million reasons why the person is not answering me, and it is usually (never) not because the person is pissed off. So if you are upset, just say it. And if one more girl decides to get back at me for something by playing "games" I swear I am going to nail all of her friends, video tape it, and send it to her for Christmas.

changing it up

In case anyone is still reading this, and you are probably not because I have not posted anything in like a year, I have decided to change the format of the blog. I am just going to rant about random crap. So get ready. Maybe.